(Un)Doing

I like making lists of things to do- short as well as long term. It helps put things in perspective, helps prioritize and gets me to actually work, rather than just think about them. While some things get done, evoking a really awesome sense of self confidence, others remain static, recurring in successive lists, a blot on your self esteem. It's almost as if that undone task stares at you from list to list, telling you in no uncertain words, that your soul will hang around in limbo if you die with that task undone. And every time that that happens, you motivate yourself, that this time, there's no escaping that task. It's do or die. Now or never. 

Of the many undone things in my lists, learning Adobe Photoshop is one that has been a cause of worry for me in the last few weeks. It would be polite to say that my relationship with this item in my life is complicated, in fact, it is strained. The endless possibilities - to create, to duplicate and to enhance that photoshop offers, are overwhelming. I find it hard to imagine that even the developers know the software, fully and completely. My amateur pursuit of photography further cemented my procrastination because it seemed that photographic ethics and ideals contradicted with the creative freedom offered by this software. Of course that was not, and in fact, cannot be true. It was just a comforting alibi given to the lethargic self.

To make a long story short - I wouldn't make an attempt to learn it when I was free, because its scope was limitless. And nor would I do it when I required the services of the software because urgency drives out necessity and any hints of exertion obliterate wishes of curiosity. Consequently, year after year, this task continued in my to-do list.

However, now more than ever, I realize that this must change. I must make some attempt to get acquainted with Mr. Photoshop. We may never become the best of friends, but it is quintessential to forge a cordial bond, so that His Highness will come to my rescue whenever I need His help. 

Just as I would leave no effort unmade to make a good friend out of a formal acquaintance, similarly I must approach this gentleman and convince him of my sincerity and honesty. Surely, I will be supported and responded to.

If not, the regret of not having tried will be mine.

And to that, amen.